February 11, 1984

God, this is so complicated, but at the same time it’s simple (there’s a little hair in my mouth). This whole night was so complicated, but now it seems simple, like every little thing was so intense (fuck this little hair!).

So tonight I went to the Cathay with, fuck, who did I go with? Rick Lampshade and Letha and Val and Karen Pigboing and Val and Denise from SCROC, but Karen’s from SCROC too, and who else? Sharon, yeah, and Nick Nip Driver, and Lisa Lurch, and God, it’s so complicated. So Letha and Val had L.S.D. So I bought half a hit and took it, but I had to hand them the other half back. But it flew away, and they were so fried they gave me another hit cuz they thought they owed it to me even though it was their hit that I made blow away.

So Denise, Letha, Karen, Smiling Mike and Val and I went to Arby’s and Karen and Denise went in. And the four of us sat outside and waited, and then we’re like, why are we waiting? So we went inside, it was like this big decision. And they gave me water, inside, like I didn’t even have to pay for the cup and the ice was so neat I couldn’t stand it. Mike thought he was cold, but I wouldn’t let him make me cold. It’s all in your mind, otherwise just him wouldn’t have been cold. So I kept telling him to think like Bahamas, to be tropics, no Alaska action for me, you know?

Then the four of us without Denise and Karen were just walking around like cattle, like following whoever was with us going somewhere, just walking.

And they had these religious people at the Cathay, giving out cake! They had all these pies and cakes and apples and they were so funny. Like, “Here, eat pie.” It was so silly, and they were treating us like lost sheep (not cattle, like before), all condescending, and it was so funny! And I had whipped cream all over my hands and I thought it was poison, like I hit the pumpkin pie out of Mike’s hand, because, who knows? It could have been poison. I mean, WHO ARE these people giving us pie? Was it like cake from the gods, like direct Jesus cake, or what?

So I had to get the whipped cream off my hands, before the poison soaked into my skin, and Mike and I didn’t know what to do, we tried to wipe it off on a bush, and all of a sudden I understood - a napkin! How simple, you have stuff on your hand, you get a napkin. So I asked Karen for one and she pointed at the truck and said, “Ask God for a napkin.” So the lady gave me one, just like that. Like, if cake, why not a napkin, right?

So we walked, and we walked right in front of a police car. And they stopped us. We were totally fried, and it was so complicated, like the burglary suspect on their radio. It said on the radio there was a suspected felon, and I thought, well shit, there’s a felon out there, so I figured they’d leave us to get this felon, but they didn’t even care that there was a felon out there. So there was the radio, and the lights, and this cop. I didn’t know what was what, and they gave me a jaywalking ticket! So I had to sign my name, and it was so hard. Like everything depended on signing my name. If I fucked up, they’d know I was fucked up and take me to jail, but I did O.K.

Then Val freaked out, like the whole scene was too intense, what was going on? And he just kept walking away while the cop was talking to him. So I guess Val and Letha got arrested. Fuck, I couldn’t have handled jail frying, it was too much.

So we had nowhere to go. The cops were everywhere, and they arrested you just for BEING. It’s called loitering. But how can you stop being? What would we have gotten pulled in for? For being. So there was nowhere to go, we had no money to get inside, so we went to the Jesus cake people and they were praying for us, Mike and Elise.

He had Mike and I holding hands and he was saying such a complicated prayer, and during it I hallucinated Mike crying and all these people all around us, patting us, and saying, “Amen” and “Help them Jesus” and like, waves of Jesus were flowing through me. Then I looked up, and Mike was just giggling and I was just there, and nothing had happened.

Then the police kept coming by, and the Jesus people said they’d keep the police from us. And the Jesus people said wherever we go, they plan to follow. It’s their mission, to just go with us and be there! Like, didn’t they have anything better to do? And I just went, “Wow, what nice people.” So we told them we had nowhere to go, meaning physically, and they thought it was a big life trip. And they kept saying, “Look to Jesus” like He would come out of the sky and kick over the police cars. So I was waiting for Him to, and He didn’t. So then what? We told the the Jesus people we couldn’t find our friends, and they asked us what our friends look like, and I said, “Which one? There’s so many of them” like you can only understand on fry.

So it was so simple, I was at the Cathay, how normal. But at the same time there were police to take me away and ruin everything. All I wanted was to be home in bed, and here I am.

So we found Denise and Karen and Rick and them, and told them about Val and Letha. I told the Jesus people these were my friends, see, that’s what they looked like.

So we went to this party, and it was TOO MUCH TO FRY OFF OF! Debbie, Jeff Charroux, and all these people were there. Kevin Death and Paul Candell kept tripping me out on purpose. And Robert was there, and I couldn’t handle, and it’s so complicated. Janice and Jeannie were there and I was talking to them, and Jeannie suddenly went, “You’re Elise!” and it was so funny, because I had been all the time. It makes so much sense.

So there was this bull-man there, his name was Earache, and he looked like the Schlitz Malt Liquor bull. I mean, he was so tall, and he was a trip, because he was a bull. He was huge. I told him he was making me feel short, and he asked how tall I was…just like the cop had! The cop had asked me what I weighed, and he said approximately, so my God, I could have said like 90 pounds, you know. I wanted to tell the cop it was probably more since those people gave us cake, but he wouldn’t have understood. So this Earache-bull, his fingers were like 3x the size of mine, so I sat there and talked to him and it was such a trip because he was so big.

So there was this guy at Arby’s selling roses, and it was such a funny thing to be doing at Arby’s. So at the party this girl had one of those roses. I pointed it out to Denise and Karen, and they were just like, “Wow. THE ROSE.”

So Anna gave me this perfume oil, it was lemon, like Lemon Pledge. I put it on and felt this smell. Someone told me I smelled like Froot Loops and I didn’t want to, so I tried rubbing it off, but it wouldn’t come off, like I’d never be rid of it.

And there were people here and there, walking in and out of these rooms, and I would think they were gone, and they’d be there again! The bull wanted to take me home, but Kevin had to. So Kevin did and here I am, and the ride home is too long of a story.

(Drawing)

God, this is like too much, like it makes me put my hand on my hair, and run it through my hair, and just open my mouth and laugh, and go, “Wow” and be. Cuz being is where it’s at. I mean, if you’re not being, what are you? Really?

These lines are too much! Hand on the hair!

Fuck! Lines! They go! Fuck, I mean, how do they go? They do it so well, how do they know to just go?

February 12, 1984

Can you make sense of those last pages at all? I fried so hard last night. Letha called me today, they weren’t arrested and got a ride home with Ted.

At first I had a really good fry, but after we got the tickets, it was awful. The cops were scaring the shit out of me and I was out of my mind.

Once we got to the party though, I was with friends and it was cool. The Mentors and Stains played. Paul and Kevin kept sneaking up behind me and wiggling their hands in my face and stuff. I took a drink of Paul’s beer, and it felt like it had all these little hairs in it. I was pulling them out of my mouth all night, so Paul kept coming up to me and pulling at his mouth, imitating me.

I was having a neat fry, like maintained. I’d be talking to Kathleen, and suddenly say, like, “My foot’s so blue, I’m so embarassed,” and try to cover my foot and she’d just look at me weird. Paul helps you through, even though he teases. One time this big, glittery thing flew across the room, and I looked at Paul all paranoid, and he said, ‘It’s

O.K., Elise. Its only a bottlecap. I saw it too.’

So then Robert walked past me and I just went, ‘Fuck.’ Like alot depended on how we acted towards eachother, and here I was, frying. I started laughing, and said, "Come talk to me, you stupid asshole!” I talked to him for a minute, then saw a flash of color on the wall and walked off to investigate. Later I offered him my hand, and asked, “Friends?” He said, “We’ve always been friends.” But the conversation got too complicated for me to follow, especially when his eyes would start glowing, or the pores on his face would grow and open up.

So went and talked with Earache. I was fascinated with him, he was like this big viking, and every once in awhile his face would turn into a bull’s. He was trying to flirt and asked me if I had a phone number. I just kept laughing, and saying, “Most people do, most people do.”

El Duce from the Mentors was passed out cold. They taped him up with electrical tape and made a trash heap on him, bottles and papers in this huge pile. Earache went into a rage, and was pulling the trash off El Duce, and roaring, “This man is a GOD!!!”

I got a ride home with Kevin, I came in and wrote in my diary and the sun was coming up. I looked at the clock and it said 7:00, then looked at it again and it said 12:30. I don’t remember sleeping, I was just suddenly here. I got up and went over to Colleen Pancake’s to watch her band, The Fleshbaggies, practice. Rich was there, being nice. He

gave me speed.

I’ve been being really stupid all day, all confused. I hate the day after. I have all these bruises. My mom is SO bummed about the ticket! Colleen's coming over later so

we can work on our mag.